HAIR BUN FAILED
That’s why it’s called hair bun coz it’s supposed to be imperfect lol.
Guess what? I’m off today! wohooo! Can get rid of being a night owl for 2 days! Actually not really coz since I’ve been doing night shift, I find it hard to sleep during the night so i ended up sleeping at around 4am I guess. Anyway, it’s a perfect time for me to suck myself in front of the laptop and t.v. all day and night long!
So what happened last night? It was a long night indeed. The daily report left me hanging for the rest of the shift coz they put there the tasks i need to do in the morning. Maybe they quite noticed how I’m having a little bit of trouble in carrying out all their request and demands. Because they wanted it well-organized and systematic that’s why they listed down specific things or tasks to be done. But isn’t very time pressured for they have given me 1 hour to do all the cares? I mean I still have things to attend to like doing the medications, answering the bell, cleaning up the rubbish and laundry, doing my final rounds and all that. It may never be a problem if some of the patients are easy to do but hey, some of them really takes time. It indeed depends on how the morning works out coz sometimes it could be busy like someone had a fall, got problem with elimination, complaint of anything, wet the bed w/c i have to change, or anything that concerns the patients. Aren’t they somewhat thought of that? or what? I’ve got no choice but to carry on and do the best of my abilities to fulfill what they want me to deliberate.
From the time I woke up this afternoon at about 1630 hours, I’ve been thinking of ways to reinvent myself!? For real. My thoughts quite cluttered like bunch of pick-up-sticks for the past few years of living in the face of the world. I wish I can describe my feeling right now in a more eloquent way for the world to clearly see. If only you can imagine how hard it is to maneuver my way of thinking, it sucks seriously. Sometimes I desperately want things to happen but then reality sucks big time!
I felt marooned like a castaway. A chilling question - What’s left? Circled my island, baring its teeth. When you’re young, the future seems limitless and choices, B-plans and C-plans in every direction. (SUSHI FOR BEGINNERS, Marian Keyes)
I think I’ve been wasting time agonizing over stupid worries w/c are non-sense and worthless. Everything would’ve been so easy if I take aside petty things and visualize a better clear side of the road I’m walking through. Being pretty sensitive doesn’t work at all. So after many days of continuously being too emotional and blaming all the people around me, I finally realized how silly I was. Just so you know.
Heaps of people (concern people) have been insisting me to let go of my worries, have more patience, be strong, that this is just a form of trial and that i can get through this..I thank you all. You don’t know how you make a difference to a ex-miserable person’s life. Every words that you all instilled in my mind gave me enough reason to pursue what I’ve started (though there was a side of me giving up) and stand up from a big fall with a smile. Though I’m wounded, all the scars left are signs that I made it through the rain and I’m not afraid to be burnt to hell as long as it’ll make me a stronger person, much stronger. I’m young and fragile so don’t expect me to be brave all the time but no matter what happen, I am who I am, a girl who have been to many thorns yet standing still in the middle of nowhere. Still searching and trying to get in my final destination whatever it takes. I’m not expecting to get in end of the road, halfway I’ll be fine. Probably I’m not even halfway to life. These experiences are just a taste of what in store ahead so better yet prepare myself or maybe enjoy life’s pleasure and rigorousness.
